


He Was My Friend

by jaydream



Category: NCIS
Genre: Character Death, M/M, Minor Character Death, Ned Dorneget - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3934066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaydream/pseuds/jaydream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A loss is never easy</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Was My Friend

__

If it was one thing that Timothy McGee couldn't stand, it was guilt. And that guilt carried heavy in his chest and even more so on his shoulders and mind. And the death of Ned Dorneget played over and over again in his mind until the guilt became heavier and heavier still.

 

Countless times did he hear from everyone that it wasn't his fault. Still, though, Tim couldn't believe that. If it hadn't been for the fact that Ned's mother wasn't around, maybe he would have believed everyone. It was harder when Joanna said that Ned was the only family she had left. And then, the guilt came back onto Tim's shoulders and into his chest. Ned had been his responsibility. And now, he was gone.

 

Tim was quiet at home, most days after work. And that worried his long-time boyfriend, Tony DiNozzo. Tony knew the precautions of that particular case more than anyone. He was grateful that his lover had come out alive, but in that came a greater loss. Losing a good agent, a good friend, and in a sense, losing Tim anyway.

 

Tony tried everything he could to rectify that the whole ordeal had not been Tim's fault. Most of the time, Tim would smile just a little bit and reply with an agreement. But even more so, his boyfriend would quietly just wander into the bedroom and go to sleep.

 

They had been close friends, Tim and Ned. Everyone knew that. Tim was the first person Ned had come out to. Then, Tim came out to Ned and even told the younger agent that he was dating Tony. And ever since then, the two had been inseparable friends. Tony understood Tim's loss, but he hated that his boyfriend was endlessly blaming himself.

 

Another case gone by, Tim and Tony retired to their apartment for the night, Tim looking more rugged and exhausted than before the day even had started. Once inside, Tony jumped into the shower and changed, seeing Tim in the kitchen making a cup of tea. He was bare-footed and in a roomy green tshirt and black plaid pajama bottoms. His eyes were red, cheeks stained with tears.

 

“Tim?” Tony walked over to his boyfriend, pulling his grey Ohio State tshirt over his torso. “Tim are you okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Tim responded softly, his voice hitched. Tossing the tea bag into the garbage, the young agent picked up his coffee mug and shuffled past Tony to the living room and curled up onto the couch.

 

Heaving a soft sigh, Tony walked over to the couch and sat beside his lover, arm around his shoulders. He pressed a kiss to Tim's temple, and spoke softly. “I hate when you blame yourself for things that you didn't have any knowledge of happening to control over.”

“I could have stopped it,” Tim spoke softly, staring down into his tea. “I could have went with him instead of...”

 

“You were doing your job, Tim,” Tony responded with a slightly stern tone. “You were doing what any of us would do. Ellie, Gibbs, even Dorney himself. Ned knew what he was getting himself into. He knew the risks. He knew what this job consisted of, Tim.”

 

Tim closed his eyes, tears leaking from his eyes, down his cheeks. “I know, Tony. You don't think I know that? But at the same time, don't you think that I know I could have prevented it? I could have taken Ned with me. I could have just brought him along and the whole thing could have been avoided.”

 

Bringing his finger up to his boyfriend's teary cheeks, Tony wiped away the tears gently. “I know, Tim. I know what it's like to lose someone. Remember? Remember Kate? Remember Paula? Remember every other agent I, you, and Gibbs has lost? I know this is different for you, I realize that, but you cannot keep putting the blame and guilt on yourself. It'll kill you, Timmy.”

 

Taking a deep breathe, Tim leaned his head against Tony's hand and gripped his coffee cup. “But he was my friend.”

 

Hearing the words, broke Tony's heart into a million shattered pieces. Tim sounded so hurt, so lost, and so heartbroken. Tony couldn't blame him. He knew what it was like to lose such a close friend. When Kate had died, Tony himself was in Tim's current situation. It was hard losing a member of the team, but when it was a close friend …

 

“I know he was, Tim,” Tony kissed his boyfriend's cheek. Gently, Tony pressed Tim's head against his shoulder, rubbing his boyfriend's arm up and down. “I know you two were close. You guys shared everything, you both loved the same things, and you both trusted each other. When Kate died … I was where you are, Tim. Kate was my friend. Sure, she got on my nerves, but I loved her. She was a great agent and a damn good person. It's not always fair, what happens in this job, but some of us just aren't lucky enough to make it. But we know the cost. We know the risks. And we take them to help those we need to help.”

 

Listening to Tony talk, Tim closed his eyes and started to softly cry. Tony was right in all respects, but it didn't make the pain and the guilt any easier. It didn't make Ned come back.

 

“I know,” Tony softly took Tim's coffee mug from him and set it on the table, pulling his boyfriend into his lap. “I know, Tim. I know it sucks. I know you miss him. I do too.”

 

Sobbing into Tony's shoulder, Tim wrapped both his arms around his boyfriend's neck loosely and curled up into his lap. It had been weeks after Ned's death since he was able to cry. He'd kept it in, afraid to let anyone see the pain he was in for his friend. Seeing Kate in the morgue all those years ago was brutal enough on him. Seeing Ned was almost just as worse. They had lost too many, too soon. It was starting to wear him down.

 

Tony held Tim close, kissing his head gently and hugging his boyfriend as tightly as he could. He wanted to let Tim know that everything was going to be okay. That he was here for him in this ridiculously hard time. It was always hard losing one of their own.

 

“I'm tired ...” Tim finally spoke into Tony's shoulder, tears drying up on his cheeks and leaving streak marks. “Can you carry me?”

 

“Of course I can,” Tony softly responded, kissing Tim's cheek. Adjusting Tim bridal style, Tony stood up, carrying his exhausted and emotionally spent boyfriend to their bedroom and laying him in bed.

 

After Tim immediately closed his eyes and seemed to fall asleep instantly, Tony covered up his lover and turned out the light, leaving the room after giving Tim a soft head kiss.

 

With a heavy sigh, Tony picked up Tim's cold tea and dumped it out into the sink, feeling a heaviness in his own chest. He hadn't shown any emotion over losing Dorneget himself, and he knew he should have. Tim's broken words kept playing over and over in his head like a broken record.

 

Setting the coffee mug down into the sink, Tony slumped over the counter, bowing his head, tears stinging his eyes hot and heavy. Shuddering a breathe, Tony bit his lip as the tears escaped.

 

“He was my friend, too, Timmy.”

 


End file.
